i chose this picture because it represents the best of how my body can look and i want to keep it at the forefront of my consciousness for inspiration, kinda. mostly i’m proud of all the work it took to get my body to look like that in the first place so i’m posting it here on my blog because i CAN.
what i am
i’m a 23 year old female living on my own in arizona. my parents live close by so i’m never completely alone but i don’t live with a significant other, spouse, roommate, pet, or anybody else. i like to say that i’m perpetually single. it’s funny until you’re about to turn 24 and realize there are no prospects. the novelty is beginning to wear off… it’s just one of the many issues i struggle with.
where it all began
i started gaining weight uncontrollably when i was around 16 years old. i was a skinny-mini before that and i LOVED sugar. everyone would always tell me that i was too skinny and i better stop eating candy and sugary desserts because it was making me skinnier (go figure, thats the stuff i avoid like the plague now in order to LOSE weight). i took these words to heart and started building up my appetite, as if to prove that i actually had one. i have always cared what everyone else thinks…
high school
the difference a year made is truly striking. my freshman and sophomore yearbook photos look like two different girls. the interesting thing was, during my skinnier years i was able to develop a strong self-esteem so i had that tool in my back pocket, so to speak, once i started gaining. i refused to think of myself as fat (i’m sure i topped off at 150+), even though i’m short at a proud 5′ 2″ and really grew irritated with the female culture of “does this make me look fat?” in high school. it should be noted that i went to an all-girls Catholic high school.
false confidence
the confidence simultaneously got me through the tough years and managed to cripple me. i didn’t think i was fat so in my mind there was nothing i needed to do for my health. the bad habits developed and marinated for years. no exercise, eating whatever i wanted whenever i wanted as much as i wanted, etc. i guess i was lucky i didn’t gain more!
the college years
in college i was a runner. i liked to run, i used the rec center on campus to run the treadmill for half an hour every other day, usually only about 2 miles or so. it was definitely something but i was expecting miracles in the results department and i wasn’t really getting any. especially because i was very inconsistent in my running habits. also, i drank a lot (of beer, but it was college, i wasn’t picky about alcoholic beverages) which caused me to eat even MORE. it all wore heavily on the self-esteem that i had oh so preciously protected in high school. being in a sorority full of skinny girls didn’t help. i never felt good enough, pretty enough, cute enough, popular enough or enough of anything really. in addition to everything else i now deal with, i continue to struggle with these self-defeating thoughts.
turning point
i graduated in may of 2007 at about 146 pounds. i lazed around all summer until i realized i HAD to take control of my body at some point, wasn’t this it? i’m an adult now, if i want to do something i do it. so in september of 2007 i started jazzercising.
i know, it’s totally richard simmons style and kinda goobery but i love it! i get to dance and enjoy both cardio and strength workouts in one 1 hour session. it is well rounded, easy and fun so i was able to stick with it.
activated!
since then i’ve lost 16 pounds simply by adding that daily workout to my routine, that is to say i didn’t change my diet at all. i bottomed out at about 125 in january (mostly because i weighed myself after a nasty bout of the flu). i got lazy for a couple weeks and ate at my parents house a lot so it crept back up and now i’m at 130 and the ever so lovely plateau phase, which motivates me to kick my workouts up a notch (adding more interesting ways to weight train and even more cardio) and really taking stock of what food i eat for the first time.
i love food
that’s what this blog is for. my food habits have just been bad in the past. i come from a family of 7 so when my mom cooks, it’s a lot of mexican food! i got used to huge portions, seconds, and nobody discouraging any of it. once i stopped losing steadily, i decided it was time to take my diet into my own hands… *cue demon music* but i’ve never been able to cook! so there is definitely a learning curve involved here.
the unused kitchen
the good news is i’ve been managing just fine on my own so far (fingers crossed). i have a george foreman grill that i’ll be using to experiment with vegetable preparation for now. i’m committed to being as vegetarian as i can handle. i want to eventually expand into veganism but i have to see how it goes without dairy first. not so much milk, but cheese and yogurt will be hard to live without. i really don’t have a problem eating more beans and less meat, though.
my next hurdle will be baking but the oven is still a bit daunting. i’m actually coming to enjoy preparing my meals, knowing exactly what goes into them and being able to feel good about it!
marathon, not a sprint
i’m hoping that these extra efforts will help me lose the last stubborn 10 or so pounds my body has been holding onto since my sophomore year of high school! i know it is a long process but i look forward to documenting the journey. more importantly, i am willing to put in the hard work it will take for the rest of my life!
*update: my extended family is in the throes of a weight loss competition a la the biggest loser. as if i needed any extra motivation, the prize is a piece of jewelry from my godmother’s family business 
P.S. i’m not any kind of health professional (even though sometimes i’d like to think i am) and anything i eat and do and post about is strictly a personal decision. i get my inspiration from all over and i’ve never consulted a doctor or registered dietitian about my meal or workout plans. i just like to write about them.
